I wish my penis had an off switch
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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