I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
