Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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