I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
