just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
