You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
