His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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