11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
