i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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