I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
