I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
you would pick up someone in the library
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
