you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
