Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
