I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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