Well apparently he's into motor boating.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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