i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
