I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
