Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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