I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
