There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
