Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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