Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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