i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
