You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
