Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
