And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
