I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
