I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
