haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize