xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
