whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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