yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
