SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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