His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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