I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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