i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
