Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
