My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
