i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
My vagina is very pro this idea
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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