I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
