When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
