We won't sleep together?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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