What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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