Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
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