Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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