i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
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So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize