I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
