I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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