I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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