We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
