you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
