I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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