Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
the condom got lost in my hair
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Randomize
