Pappa wants mamma naked
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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