is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
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