Michael Bay diarrhea
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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