He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
