just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
