Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
In America we eat man semen.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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