So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
