So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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