Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
