He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
