I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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