Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
