I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
