If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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