There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
