It's Friday. Sex?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
