Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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