you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
