Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
