Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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