Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
it's like iHOP with fire
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
